12 Things Never to Say to Someone with MS (Unless You Want Violence)

Let's be honest: people say stupid, ignorant shit. Add MS to the mix, and suddenly everyone's an amateur neurologist, motivational speaker, or miracle cure peddler. If you want to keep your friendships (and your teeth), avoid saying these things:

1. "But You Don't Look Sick!"

Ah, the classic hit single from the "I Lack Empathy" playlist. Just because we're not draped over a fainting couch doesn't mean we're not struggling.

Try this instead: "You look great, but I know MS can be invisible. How are you really feeling?"

2. "At Least It's Not Cancer."

Oh, cool, so my immune system attacking my brain and spinal cord isn't as trendy as cancer? Good to know. Chronic illness comparisons are like comparing apples to grenades—just don't.

Try this instead: "I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Let me know how I can support you."

3. "My Cousin Tried Essential Oils, and Now They're Cured."

Fantastic. Your cousin is either lying, or lavender oil is performing miracles science missed. If essential oils could cure MS, trust me, we'd be bathing in them.

Try this instead: "I'm here if you ever want to vent about treatment options—or lack thereof."

4. "You're Probably Just Stressed."

Oh, thank you, Dr. Obvious. Stress is to blame for everything, right? MS is caused by a misguided immune system, not my overdue laundry.

Try this instead: "I can't imagine how stressful things must get. Can I help lighten the load?"

5. "It's All in Your Head."

You're absolutely right—it's in my head, my spine, my nerves, and probably my patience (or lack thereof for this conversation).

Try this instead: "I know MS affects so much. What's been the hardest part lately?"

6. "You Should Exercise More. It'll Fix Everything!"

Yes, Karen, I'll just hop up and run a marathon to cure my incurable disease. Exercise helps, sure, but overdoing it can knock me flat.

Try this instead: "Do you want to do something low-key together, like a walk or some light yoga?"

7. "I Read About This Miracle Cure Online…"

Unless your miracle cure involves a licensed neurologist, a verified study, and an actual cure for MS (hint: it doesn't exist), keep it to yourself.

Try this instead: "Let me know if there's anything I can research to help you out."

8. "You're Lucky It's Not Worse."

Wow, thanks for the uplifting pep talk! I'll be sure to send my immune system a thank-you card for not killing me (yet).

Try this instead: "You're handling this with so much strength. I admire how you keep going."

9. "You Seemed Fine Yesterday!"

MS is a shapeshifter. One day we're fine; the next, we're auditioning for a zombie apocalypse. Stop acting shocked—it's exhausting.

Try this instead: "Is today a better day, or is it one of the rough ones?"

10. "You Should Just Be Positive!"

Toxic positivity alert! We'd love to be positive, but sometimes we're busy managing crippling fatigue and nerve pain, thank you very much.

Try this instead: "You've been dealing with so much—I'm here if you need to vent."

11. "Have You Tried Drinking More Water?"

Ah, yes, the universal cure-all for everything from headaches to heartbreak—and apparently MS symptoms, too.

I recently seen this one in TikToc comments on a video by a fellow MS Warrior asking if anyone with MS suffers from itching that wont stop. Many of the comments referenced drinking more water, food allergies and skin allergies.

Neuropathic itching is a delightful little perk of MS where your brain decides to send a nonstop 'scratch here' memo, even though there's no actual cause on your skin. Shocker--it's not a hydration issue, and slathering on lotion won't do a damn thing.

Try this instead: "Have you talked to your neurologist about it?"

12. "Have you tried a stem cell transplant?"

One of my favorite humans went through a transplant and developed chronic GVHD (Graft-Versus-Host Disease). She spends more time in hospital operating rooms, recovery rooms, chemo chairs, and radiation sessions than she does at home, battling tumors so complex and in locations so difficult—sometimes nearly impossible—to access that the very few specialists in the country are often reluctant to remove them. GVHD has stripped her immune system of its natural ability to suppress tumor growth. If you thought MS had limited treatments and no cure, GVHD is even worse. So before you bring up this "solution," consider the harsh realities it can entail.

Final Thoughts

Here's a novel idea: listen, empathize, and offer actual support. When in doubt, say, "That sucks. How can I help?" You'll avoid the death stare and maybe even make us like you.

People with MS don't need your one-size-fits-all health advice. We've been through enough doctor visits and Google rabbit holes to know when it's time to call the neurologist—and no, your coconut oil suggestion isn't revolutionary.

When it comes to MS, silence is golden, but educated empathy is platinum. If you can't manage either, maybe just send a text—we'll leave you on un-read.

To My Fellow MS Warriors (and any Chronic Illness Warriors)

What's the most ridiculous, infuriating, or downright clueless thing someone's said to you about your MS? Drop it in the comments so we can all collectively roll our eyes, facepalm, and maybe come up with some snarky comebacks for next time. Sharing is therapeutic—and way more satisfying than politely nodding through bad advice!