The Art of Saying No: Boundaries for People Who Just Don’t Get It

Let's face it—saying no can feel awkward, especially when you're met with a blank stare or a guilt trip that could win an Oscar. Add living with MS to the equation, and suddenly, saying no comes with a side order of unsolicited advice, judgment, or confusion. This post is your guide to mastering the fine art of saying no with confidence, clarity, and just the right amount of sass.

You don't owe anyone an explanation, a timeline, or a 15-point bullet list of why you can't do something. "No" stands on its own. It's a boundary, not an invitation to negotiate.

What it sounds like:

• "Thanks for thinking of me, but I can't."
• "That won't work for me."
• "No, I'm not available."

Why it works:

These responses are polite, firm, and leave no room for argument. No filler. No fluff.

Many of us instinctively apologize for everything, even when we've done nothing wrong. Saying no is not a crime, and you don't need to over-apologize for protecting your well-being.

Instead of:

• "I'm so sorry, I wish I could, but I just can't."
• "I hate to say no, but I have too much going on."

Try this:

• "I appreciate the invite, but I won't be able to make it."
• "I'm going to have to pass this time."

You're still polite, but without all the unnecessary guilt-tripping yourself into feeling bad for saying no.

If you have MS, you've probably felt the need to justify your no with a full medical history. Here's the deal: you don't have to.

What to remind yourself:

• Your health is the priority, no matter what others think.
• You're not being difficult; you're being responsible.

How to navigate common reactions:

• "But you seemed fine yesterday!" -> "Yeah, MS is full of surprises."
• "Are you sure you can't just push through?" -> "I know my limits, and today isn't the day."

Some people just won't take no for an answer. For those moments when patience runs thin, here's a toolkit of snarky comebacks:

"You don't look sick."

• "And you don't look like a doctor!."

"Can't you just push through it?"

• "Sure, let me just flip that magical switch that makes me superhuman."

"You're just making excuses."

• "Yep. And here's another one: I'm done with this conversation."

Sometimes, people just don't get it—or worse, they don't care. Recognizing when someone consistently disregards your boundaries is key to protecting your energy.

What to do:

• Be direct: "I've explained my limits, and I need you to respect them."
• Take a step back: If they keep pushing, limit your interactions with them.

Why it matters:

• Healthy relationships respect boundaries. If someone keeps bulldozing yours, it's a red flag.

It's often hardest to say no to the people closest to you. They mean well, but sometimes their "help" can feel like pressure.

How to handle it:

• Be honest: "I love that you want me there, but I can't do it today."
• Set expectations: "Please don't take it personally if I say no sometimes."

The takeaway:

• Boundaries don't mean you care less—they mean you care enough to show up fully when you can.

Living with MS means managing your energy carefully. Every "yes" costs something, so you have to make sure it's worth it.

Ask yourself:

• "Is this important to me?"
• "Will this leave me drained or in pain tomorrow?"
• "What's the opportunity cost of saying yes?"

How to prioritize:

• Focus on what brings you joy or fulfillment.
• Skip the things that feel like obligations rather than meaningful contributions to your life.

Saying no isn't selfish—it's self-care in action. It's a way of honoring your needs, preserving your health, and showing yourself the same kindness you'd show to anyone else in your situation.

Remember:

• You don't owe anyone an explanation.
• Boundaries are a sign of strength, not weakness.

So, the next time someone doesn't get it, stand your ground, hold your head high, and let "no" do the talking.